“That’s not a goal,” Lin Wei said softly. “It’s a receipt. Paid in full.”
He closed the book. The Complete Works of Watchman Nee sat on his lap, but for Lin Wei, the lesson was no longer in the pages. It was written on his weary, finally peaceful, heart.
He pulled the worn book from his jacket pocket. He opened it to a page where Watchman Nee had quoted the apostle Paul: “I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me.” The Complete Works of Watchman Nee - Grace In Christianity
One humid Tuesday, after a deacon’s meeting where he was scolded for the air conditioning bill, Lin Wei walked into a dingy second-hand bookstore in Chinatown. He wasn’t looking for God. He was looking for silence.
Lin Wei realized that for twenty-two years, he had been trying to get God to love him. He had missed the starting line. God already loved him. Grace wasn't the fuel for the engine of his effort; grace was the mechanic who told him the engine was junk and replaced it with His own. “That’s not a goal,” Lin Wei said softly
Lin Wei put the book down. His hands were shaking.
He fell to his knees beside his bed. He didn't pray his usual prayer—the long list of requests, the groveling apologies, the promises to try harder. The Complete Works of Watchman Nee sat on
Lin Wei scoffed. I know this already.